To Love and To Hold
'To
love and to hold'. I had to look up the meaning of the phrase and I was blown
away by the magnitude that it carries - "receiving, without reservation, the total self-gift of the other and a
promise of unconditional acceptance." Whoa! Doesn't that bewilder you
as well? And that's just the introduction to a litany of other profound vows by
the way.
With
the Valentine's aura drifting past, I'm pondering about what it means to love.
The word has been so vastly used in song lyrics, movie lines, names and the
list runs on. But what does it mean to love? I listened in to a conversation
where a lady was asked why she wasn't buying anything for Valentine's. She
quickly blurted out, " For a Christian woman, where is it written that we
should love? We submit, the men love." I was amused by her strong
sentiments but also intrigued. Doesn't the submission come from a place of
love? How are you able to submit to one you do not love?
When
we profess our unwavering, unshakable, unrelenting blah blah blah love for one
another, what do we actually mean? The words are smooth on the tongue but the
gravity of the word love may not
really sink in. I see couples looking deeply into each other's eyes, into the
obscure parts of their souls and uttering 'to love and to hold...'. Just let that
thought linger in your mind. It's literally to die to self for the sake of your
beloved regardless of the raging winds round about you. It is to accept them in
totality - from the split ends of their hair to their baby toes.
I
love the Biblical definition of love because its applicability spans across agape (selfless
love), philia (affectionate love), eros (romantic love) and storge (the love of
parents for children). It describes love as patient, kind; not envious,
boastful, proud or dishonoring others; not self-seeking, easily angered or
keeping record of wrong. It doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices with the
truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres and never fails.
In all the definitions that the web has to offer, love is predominantly described as a feeling. I don't entirely dispute that school of thought because I've felt it before - the tingling wave that courses through your veins when you're attracted to someone or the emptiness that engulfs your heart when you're far from family and friends. However, this feeling is fickle. Your heart will want to jump out of your chest one minute, then grow cold in the seconds after that. This is why I believe in love being a decision. As a decision, it ceases to be based upon circumstances like Valentine's. You decide to be patient with your nagging wife, to be kind to your horrible desk mate, you refuse to envy the girl across the table or to boast about the dollars weighing down your account. You decide to let go of the anger that promises to consume you and persevere through it all because love never fails.
Love is a decision to go against self and be for others what they would possibly not be for you. In this 'love season', may you love in the entirety of the word. Not bend to the will of a flimsy feeling, but garner the will to love and to hold, in every sense of the word.
