How to Handle Last - Borns Who Feel Unfairly Treated

As one grows up, they go thru a lot of challenges and therefore if they have a caring heart, they wouldn’t want anyone to go through the same challenges which they went through. Due to the human inherent protective nature, they tend to be protective of their young ones at all costs. They do this basing on their past experiences with an earnest desire that no misfortune happens to their young ones that can otherwise be avoidable. This can be seen in families where the older children and the parents care so much for the youngest in the family.

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In spite of all the too much protective care given to most of the last born children in various families, they shockingly feel that they are being unfairly and extremely controlled by those older than them. They are heard complaining of how much they are not given breathing space! They do all this because they are naive of the protective concerns by their elder siblings and parents. As a result they always jump first and think later which is extremely dangerous. 

They can be rebellious sometimes in trying to prove that their decisions matter too. This can sometimes be due to the relentless battle against a picture (of being seen as still young and helpless) in their mind. As a result, they unconsciously put up resistance against anyone who they suspect to be controlling them hence interpreting any form of extreme caution from their elders as an act of pushing their heads deep down in the ground.

In the course of growing up as a family under one roof, when they see older siblings sometimes making decisions independently and at times challenging their parents on certain issues, they become inquisitive. “Why don’t I have the freedom to do things my way like they do?” they always ask themselves. After pondering on such questions for some time, they start questioning their parents about the same. They do this because they are unaware of the three stages of mentorship .i.e. parenthood, pace setting and partnering which those who have gone ahead of them have gone through.

Parents mentor their children as grow up by offering them parenthood care. Here, they are trained exactly how to do house chores and to live up to the society expectations. From there, they graduate to the pace - setting stage. Here, the children learn from their parent’s behavior. From their parents daily live examples, they are able to do what their parents would do in case they are not around. For example locking the house while going to sleep, cooking food in time, just like any one would be able to stand in for their boss at their work place. At this stage, parents are confident enough to entrust them with some responsibilities at ease with limited supervision. From the pace - setting stage, one progresses to the partnering stage where they start working with their parents on almost the same level. Unfortunately, the last born in the house if born very late, will start questioning his/her surroundings at this stage when his or her elder siblings are on a partnership level stage of mentorship, hence the relentless fight for equality. 

How to handle them

Handling last borns is relative. It is much easier to handle and train those that have gracefully accepted their position in the family and they are always willing to gladly receive instruction and advice from other older siblings.

However those that are in the struggle with a battle field (trying to prove to everyone that they are no longer a babies) in their mind, you have to handle them wisely.

As a parent or older person relating to the last born, you need to find ways of exposing them to some manageable risks. Just the way first borns are treated. For example putting up conditions that influence them to think the right way. Most kids can never know the danger of fire until they have tasted how it burns. That’s when they will give a thought to all the relentless guidance you have always given to them.

Help them to make informed decisions rather than making direct decisions for them all the time. When you do that, you will be quenching the battle field in their minds. Do this by availing all the relevant information concerning the given topic of interest on a table for them to consider while they are making a decision concerning their life. If they are lucky enough, they will borrow a leaf from your past experiences and future predictions.

Patience is key. At times we want them to behave exactly the way a mature person would behave forgetting that some experiences have not registered in their minds. Therefore we pester them to think like we are. Therefore, we need to give them time. As a child, my mother could send me to shop for one item which I could sometimes forget. Then I could go back to be reminded. From there I progressed to more than two items until when I reached a stage where I could comfortably handle a long list of items that where to be picked from various places.

Keep them close to you. This will help you to know what they are thinking and were possible slit some pieces of information into their minds.

If you are a last born

Wow, if you are a last born, your eyes are probably about to pop out while reading this information, well it is my deepest prayer for all last borns to know and understand that no mature person intends to under look them but rather to know that they are a treasure in a family that everyone is looking out for to protect.

However there can be some instances of bullying which we cannot rule out but under normal circumstances everyone wants to protect you, that’s why they appear as if they are controlling you, yet they are simply caring for you.

Lastly, to you the elder sibling, do you think that last borns are right to complain about how you treat them? And to the last borns reading this article, do you feel its right to question your elder siblings’ cautions they always give you in the name of caring for you?

Leave your answer in the comment section below. I will be glad to receive your feedback.